Spoons is a Dangerous Game
by ReySolo
Summary: Duo's bored (what's new?), and decides the boys should play a game of spoons. Chaos ensues…


Summary: Duo's bored (what's new?), and decides the boys should play a game of spoons. Chaos ensues…  
Warnings: Utter silliness and a few puns.

Enjoy!

Spoons is a Dangerous Game  
by ReySolo

"I'm boooooooored..." Duo whined. He was laying on his bed staring at Heero, who sat stoically typing away at his laptop.

"Then go find something to do," came the uninterested reply.

"But there's nothing interesting to do here _alone_..." Duo complained.

All five Gundam pilots were at a safe house in the middle of nowhere, waiting for their next missions. As usual, Heero was stuck in a room with the braided baka, and thus had to deal with his constant chattering, and now, boredom. Hoping the American would just go away eventually, he continued typing. "Then ask one of the others."

The braided pilot thought about that for a moment. Wufei was off meditating or something, and he thought he'd heard Trowa and Quatre playing a duet earlier. He could just as easily go find one of them, but... He realized something. "Hey, the five of us are barely ever together in the same safe house, we should all do something fun _together_!"

Realizing this could get him some peace and quiet for at least a short time, Heero suggested, "Then maybe you should find the others and ask what _they_ want to do."

Duo's face brightened, and he bounced off the bed. "Does that mean you'll join us?"

The Japanese pilot still didn't turn from his computer. "Hn."

Taking this as close enough to a "yes," Duo grinned and bounded out the door in search of the other pilots.

Duo first found Trowa and Quatre just putting away their instruments. "Hey, guys, wanna play a game or something with all of us?"

Quatre smiled. "Sure, Duo, what'd you have in mind?" Trowa looked slightly curious.

He shrugged. "Don't know yet, still have to find Wufei and get him to join, but I think I have a deck of cards somewhere, so maybe something with that?"

"Okay, we'll go wait in the main room for you. You managed to convince Heero already?" The blond seemed slightly surprised.

"Well, kinda," Duo said with a smirk. "I'll be down in a few minutes, 'kay?"

"Okay," Quatre replied, and Trowa nodded.

Then Duo was off to find his final target.

He soon found Wufei sitting on the floor in his room calmly meditating. Since the door was already open, the Chinese boy did not look up as Duo entered. Unable to resist the temptation, the braided boy crept forward as stealthily as possible, then bent down so his nose was three inches from the serene face. He was about to shout, "BOO!" when the boy before him demanded, "What do you want, Maxwell?"

Startled out of his own attempt to startle, Duo jerked back, lost his balance, and landed hard on his rear. The previously meditating boy opened his eyes just in time to see his remarkable display of clumsiness. Wufei merely rose an amused eyebrow, waiting for Duo to explain his presence.

Shaking off his embarrassment, the American began, "We're all gonna play a card game or something. Wanna join us?"

Wufei closed his eyes, and for a moment Duo couldn't tell whether he was contemplating his answer or was just ignoring him. Finally, his eyes opened again. "Very well."

"You will?" the braided boy asked in surprise. "Really?" When the other boy merely stood and then offered a helping hand to the American, Duo was wide-eyed in shock. "Wow, not much convincing for you _or_ Heero, I'm on a roll today!"

As Wufei headed downstairs, Duo stopped in his room to retrieve the cards and the only slightly hesitant Heero.

Finally, all five of them were gathered in the main room. "So, what do we all want to play?" Duo asked. When he received four noncommittal looks, he smirked. "How 'bout strip poker?"

Heero gave him a Death Glare™, then looked down pointedly at his standard outfit of a green tank top and spandex shorts.

Grinning, Duo continued, "Well, since Heero apparently has no confidence in his poker abilities—"—that comment earned him another Death Glare™—"—guess that's out. What about Go Fish?"

Wufei gave him the glare that time.

"Canasta?"

"You only have one deck," Trowa pointed out.

"War?"

Four sets of eyes glared at Duo.

"Spades? Hearts? Clubs? Diamonds?"

"Clubs and Diamonds aren't games, Duo," Quatre replied.

"Well, they're suits," Duo replied. "Since spades and hearts are games, wouldn't it be fair for them to have games named after them, too?" When everyone just stared at him, he conceded, "Well, I guess since none of us know how to play those…" A thought occurred to him. "Hey, I know the perfect game, that'll even help us train for missions, increase our reaction time!" Before anyone could reply, he got up and raced into the kitchen, only to return a minute later with utensils. "Spoons!"

He was met with three blank looks and one interested one. Quatre and Duo looked at the others, astonished. "You guys have never played spoons?" the American asked in disbelief.

When Heero, Trowa, and Wufei all shook their heads, he grinned. "Well, we'll teach ya! You're gonna love it!"

Quatre looked just as enthusiastic. "I used to play it all the time with my sisters! Well, obviously not all of them at once, thirty people grabbing for spoons wouldn't really work…"

The other three just looked almost warily at Duo and the metal utensils he held.

"Okay, so here's how it works," Duo began. "One person starts with the deck, and takes four cards off the top. He tries to keep ones that match, but he has to discard one face-down to the person on his left before he can take another. You can only have four cards in your hand at a time."

Quatre continued, "Then the next person picks up the cards he discards, until he has four, then he has to discard to the next person to pick up more, and it continues. The first person to get four of a kind takes a spoon, and then everyone else is free to grab one. Since there are only four spoons, the slowest person won't get one, and they're out. Then you continue with four people and three spoons, et cetera, until there's only two people."

Duo grinned. "And the one of those people to get the spoon wins. Got it?"

Heero nodded immediately. "Mission accepted."

Wufei stated, "I believe I am up to the challenge."

Trowa blinked at the utensils, then slowly nodded.

"Great!" Duo exclaimed. "Now, this'll work best if we're all sitting on the floor…" The five pilots arranged themselves in a circle. Duo held the cards, Heero sat to his left, then Trowa, then Quatre, and Wufei sat between Quatre and Duo. The spoons were placed in an X pattern in the center of the circle. "Ready?" the braided boy asked, hand poised over the deck of cards. When he received four nods, he began pulling cards.

Duo drew and discarded as quickly as he could, putting all his concentration into getting matching cards. The others quickly followed suit [1] once the cards got around to them. After a little over a minute, there was a flurry of hands in the center as everyone reached for a spoon. However, four empty-handed pilots were left staring at the space before them.

"Where did…?" Quatre began, before everyone turned to look at Trowa.

The unibanged pilot was looking smugly at his handful of four spoons, before noticing all the eyes on him. "What?" he asked blankly.

"You're only supposed to take _one_ spoon," Quatre pointed out.

Trowa blinked, looked at the four utensils, and blushed. "Oh. Oops."

Sighing, Duo collected all the cards back and shuffled them, muttering under his breath. "Geez, these guys can pilot Gundams, kick OZ butt, and generally save the earth and the colonies, but expect them to understand a simple card game? Nah…" Ceasing his minor rant, he looked up. "Okay, guess we have to do this round again." He pulled four more cards, and once again the room was filled with silence but for the flipping of cards.

Duo stared at his three Queens, consistently pulling card after card that didn't match, wondering if he'd already passed the fourth Queen already. There were only a few cards left, so he figured he must have. Pausing in his motions, he realized that while there were few cards in the draw pile, the stack he was discarding to Heero had only been getting larger. Dang. He slowly moving his gaze to the center of the circle, confirming that all of the spoons were indeed already taken. Judging by the smirk on Heero's face and the amused expressions on the others', they had been for a while.

"Okay, fine, I'm an idiot!" Duo threw down the cards he was holding "One of you _could_ have _told_ me, you know, instead of letting me look even _more_ like an idiot!" When the others just continued to look amused, he sighed. "Fine, then, play on!" He smiled to let them know he wasn't really mad, then pushed some of the cards toward Wufei to signify he should start with the deck next. He then removed one of the four spoons, and sat back slightly to watch the following rounds.

As the others began taking and discarding cards, Duo got an idea to pay them all back for making him look like an idiot. Slowly, without attracting the attention of the concentrating players, he moved his hand forward and covertly took a spoon and slid it up his sleeve. As he'd hoped, no one saw him. However, shortly Quatre noticed a spoon missing, and grabbed for one himself. The other three quickly reached for the center, but both Heero and Wufei came back empty-handed. The two looked at Trowa, who confusedly held out his single spoon. Quatre did the same.

Then Heero turned to the non-playing pilot. "Duo…" he said warningly.

"What?" the American asked innocently. Upon receiving yet another Death Glare™, he shrugged, removed the utensil from his sleeve, and tossed it toward the circle.

Trowa flinched and moved to his left, letting the spoon fly past him.

"Come on, Tro, you can stand Catherine throwing _knives_ at you, but you flinch at a _spoon_?" Duo asked incredulously.

The green-eyed pilot looked back at him stoically. "I _ trust_ Catherine."

Wufei snorted at that, Quatre giggled, and Heero smirked. Well, Duo couldn't have them thinking he'd take this kind of abuse from anybody, so he responded very maturely. He stuck out his tongue.

Quatre rolled his eyes, and helped Wufei gather up the cards to redo that round as well, while Heero gathered the spoons.

Wufei shuffled the deck, then drew four cards. He paused. Blinking in confusion, he dropped the four Fives he'd drawn, then immediately reached for a spoon. The other three didn't move for a moment, then they all moved for the center at the same time.

THUD.

"Owww…" Quatre moaned in pain, rubbing his head. Trowa held his own head with one hand, though he was looking in triumph at the spoon held in the other. Heero merely clutched his spoon, looking stoic, though Duo and Wufei were certain they'd witnessed a three-way collision.

Trowa turned to Quatre. "I'm sorry, Quatre. Would you like my spoon so you can keep playing?"

The blond Arabian shook his head, then winced. "No thanks, I think I'd better sit out for now anyway."

"You okay, Heero?" Duo asked, noticing the Japanese boy's grip on the spoon was a bit tighter than necessary. "You don't have a concussion or anything, do you?"

Heero turned to the braided boy. "I am fine." Duo thought he saw some evidence of pain in the cobalt eyes, but figured the soldier couldn't be too badly. After all, if he could survive self-destructing and that jump from the hospital window without a parachute, he could survive a simple head-butting.

Wufei seemed to agree. "Yuy's hardly that weak, Maxwell," he pointed out, before realizing how his words could be taken. "No offense, Winner," he added.

Quatre gave him a reassuring smile. "It's okay, Wufei. You guys go back to playing."

This time Duo deemed it Trowa's turn to begin, and game play commenced anew, with only two spoons, Duo and Quatre sitting back to watch.

Shortly into the round, Trowa dropped his set of four Threes and reached for the center. Wufei and Heero barely moved before they noticed the empty space before them once again. They both turned to glare at Duo, who shook his head. "I didn't do it this time!" Confused, the three looked to Quatre, who pointed at Trowa.

"Um… oops?" The unibanged pilot held up both spoons.

Heero and Wufei immediately launched themselves at the guilty boy, each wrenching one of the utensils from his grip and leaving him laying on his back, panting slightly. "So, I guess you two won that round," Trowa stated, still staring at the ceiling.

Both Asian pilots agreed vehemently, neither wanting to repeat yet another round.

"So, onto the final round!" Duo announced. He held his hands to his mouth as if talking through a loudspeaker. "Heero Yuy versus Wufei Chang! The winner of this round will be declared champion of the Great Spoons Cup!" [2] Quatre groaned at that. Ignoring him, Duo finished, "May the best man win!"

Heero and Wufei sat directly across from each other, one solitary spoon resting between them. Both had equal looks of complete concentration on their faces. The shuffled deck of cards sat before Heero.

"Begin!" Duo cried.

Heero instantly grabbed two cards, then paused. Slowly, he took two more, then sat there contemplating. After a moment, he carefully discarded one, then reached for another.

Wufei picked up the single card, eyes narrowing at the other boy as if realizing what he was doing. "Come on, Yuy, pick up the pace," he growled.

The Japanese pilot merely raised an eyebrow, still concentrating on his cards. He slowly discarded another, drawing again. As Duo, Quatre, and Trowa watched the almost painfully slow process in silence, it dawned on them what Heero was doing.

He was memorizing the cards.

Wufei was practically fuming now, having only had one opportunity to discard as yet. Heero ignored everything around him, merely concentrating on the cards he took and what he discarded.

The process continued, the silence getting tenser as it went on. Wufei was looking slightly less exasperated, mostly because he realized he still had to focus on what he was discarding and what he was keeping.

After minutes of this, Heero froze. For the first time since the round began, he met Wufei's eyes. The other boy had an intense look on his face, until he noticed the Japanese boy's expression, and the single card he held near the discard pile. Heero looked almost… apprehensive. The Chinese boy allowed his face to show a look of smug satisfaction, realizing what was happening.

Wufei had three Aces, and the other boy knew it. Heero must have a different set of three, and the final Ace. He could choose to break up his own three, but that would significantly decrease his chances of getting any other set of four. However, the instant he discarded the Ace, Wufei would have his four and grab the spoon. Either way, Heero was pretty much screwed.

And it looked like he realized that. Letting out a half-growl, half-sigh of resignation, he dropped the card.

Wufei slowly picked up the card and looked at it. Indeed, it was the last Ace. Smirking, he reached forward and took the spoon.

The silence of the past few minutes broke, as Duo announced, "And we have a winner! Wufei Chang, now that you have won the Great Spoons Cup, what do you plan to do?" 

The Chinese boy continued to smirk, replying, "Rub it in Yuy's face that his dishonorable attempt to take control of the final round ended in failure. Justice has been served."

For the first time that day, Heero's Death Glare™ was bestowed upon Wufei instead of Duo.

Duo found this hilarious, but decided to interrupt before Heero killed the Chinese boy. "So, anyone fancy a game of forks?"

He raced away into the kitchen as four spoons came flying at him from all sides. 

~owari~

Footnotes:

[1] Pun not intended.

[2] Pun intended this time. :)

Author's Notes:

This was inspired by a true story. Here's a warning for all of you: Never play spoons with a group of martial artists. I first learned how to play when I was hanging out with our campus Martial Arts team. It got rather… violent… especially since James seemed to be unable to grasp the concept of taking just _one_ spoon, like Trowa in this fic. :) So whenever he grabbed several spoons, everyone else would pounce on him and grab for them. It wasn't pretty. It was hilarious, though, and inspired this fic.

By the way, this was my first fic to take less than 24 hours from start to finish. This amazes me.

Anyhoo, if you like it, please review!! Reviews fuel more writing, and I have more GW fic waiting for completion!


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